Title: Whistling in the Dark
* * * * * *Words start with the music… Large, repetitive drum “bangs” along with small drumbeats and accordion music playing rhythmically under the words… A man’s deep voice sings dryly*
"A woman came up to me and said, ‘I’d like to poison your mind.
One if them there fancy movie cam’ras is pannin’ around a blonde in a cotton dress. It’s Nover and she’s a-standin’ out in the field, watchin’ the clouds gather at the horizon and behin’ her, we see a pig-pickin’ goin’ on…She turns and runs barefoot to’rds the others, stops and grabs up her boy, Opie-Jayde as he’s runnin’ after a rooster.
“There’s only one thing that I know how to do well
Quick shots ‘a Hank and Duke standin’ on the rickety old porch, spittin’ for distance and laughin’, while the women-folk, Nover, Laya-Jane and Arwenia, run around preparin’ the eatin’ tables for the food. We see right away that two blue ghosties are materializin’ right at the end of that long table, revealin’ themselves to be Jayde and Opie-Wan O’Kenobi.
“Whistling in the dark! -bang!-
Flash to Duke standin’ his boy in an old, broke cooler, latherin’ him up with lye and washin’ it off with a hose. Nover walks by and pinches her man’s bottom and we see ‘im yelp and chase after her, the toddler jumpin’ out and streakin’ buck-naked for all the world ta’ see.
“AhhhhhhhAHHHHHHahhhhhhAHHHHH!
Laya-Jane is laughin’ uproarious as she sees her sister-in-law bein’ chased, her cotton dress up to her thighs as she runs. Hank is right at the brunette, palmin’ her behind. She gives him a swift tap in the ribs with her elbow and flaunts off. (they been havin’ a lover’s spat, ya see?) The cam’ra catches Baby Opie hoppin’ around in his berf’dae suit, splashin’ in the only mud puddle in the yard.
“A man came up to me and said, “I’d like to change your mine
Whilst those shenanigans are a-goin’ on, Arwenia sneaks off with that son-of-a-used-car-salesman, ‘King-whatzisname’, behind the barn and are quickly flushed out by a spittin’ mad ghostie-Jayde. She’s waggin’ her white-gloved finger and tappin’ her foot at all the kids actin’ a-fool.
“There’s only one thing that I know how to do well
Quick scene of Nover and Laya-Jane staring each other down over the eatin’ table, both holding their own pitchers of sweet tea with only one spot left on the WHOLE table. Ev’erbody else is got their mouths shut, waitin’ to see what happens.
“Whistling in the dark! -bang!-
Nover is bellerin’ now to git ever’ body close for a blessin’ and dinner. Ever’ body’s here, the whole family and some friends, too, Chewinbacca, Landean, Healer Beyen and Mara-Sue (who ghostie-Jayde won’t stop frownin’ at, ‘cause after all, NOBODY’S hair needs to be THAT BIG) They all sit, including a now-dressed Opie-Jayden.
“There’s only one thing that I know how to do well
The cam’ra is looking at ghost-Jayde’s back and moves right on through her to a quilt spread out on the ground where the babies and kids get to eat so they don’t spatter the adults with food and spit. They ham it up for the cam’ra.
“Whistling in the dark! -bang!-
The cam’ra pans around the adults as they pass all kinds of food around, smilin’ and laughin’, enjoyin’ their time together. We see the ’Millennium Falcon’ in the background, up on cement blocks. There’s a shot of Hank passin’ a flask under the table to Duke and grinnin’ all innocent-like.
“AhhhhhhhAHHHHHHahhhhhhAHHHHH!
Ghostie-Jayde has her arms crossed and stares at the men-folk, makin’ them lay that flask on the table and take some sweet tea, instead. Laya-Jane is seen pocketin’ the silver moonshine bottle and pattin’ her pocket with a grin. *Trumpets and trombones begin softly in the background… and two men echoing each other as they sing…* Duke is fiddlin’ with a cam’ra and we see through the lens to him starin’ at the wrong end with one eye, showing off his missin’ tooth when he frowns too hard. The cam’ra gets snatched away and his twin, Laya-Jane is holdin’ it and getting’ it settled on the family. We see her wave her arm to get ever’body’s attention.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
Nover, seein’ the family gatherin’, jumps up from her seat and roughly wipes off Opie-Jayde’s barbeque-stained face, grabs up her baby daughter and jogs with one kid in each arm, sets ‘em down and wiggles around in her dress and tries to make her boobs stand up.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
Duke, standin’ beside Hank, holds out his arm and pulls his wife close, the baby in her other arm and Opie-Jayde standin’ between ‘em. We see hank lookin’ like he’s thinkin’ too hard about how big’a distance to put betwixt him and Duke so Laya-Jane can fit in.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
Ever’ body realizes they’re a-missin’ some people and looks for Arwenia and her boyfriend. They done run off again and, Opie-wan, as father-figures are best at doin’, dematerializes and chases them out from behind the barn so they can all be in the same family photo together.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
Ghostie Jayde and ghostie Opie-wan ‘poof!’ in between Hank and Duke and the men step back, making faces but not w’ere the elders can see ‘em, making Laya-Jane back up and refocus, almost tripping over her bright pink ‘Marilyn Monroe’ dress.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
Usin’ the Force, Laya-Jane hovers the cam’ra in the air and runs off to join the family, all standin’ up straight and smilin’ cheesy for the picture-takin’. Ever’ body in their best overalls and summer dresses.
“WHISTLING, whistling! WHISTLING, whistling!
*Cacophony of noise, drums, trumpets and trombones in the back going wild, punctuating the end of the singing. The drum, trombone and trumpet player keep going…* The entire family looks over, frownin’ at where Landean, Chewinbacca, Healer Beyen and Mara-Sue are makin’ all the noise with their insturments. The quartette stops suddenly, realizin’ they’re bein’ stared at, all lookin’ embarrassed, then run over and join the family infront of the cam’ra in perfect time, grinnin’ big… “Snapshot!” May the Force be wit’ Ya’ll! Frozen picture and… fade…
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